Singing to distract and survive

It is what it says on the tin! Singing again to provide some release and some kind of outlet rather than self destruction..........

Scrambled eggs, my heads a shed

Good morning little ones, embarrassed myself greatly yesterday infront of legal people while trying to make decisions about the children.

I'm sat here wondering why the hell can I not behave like a 'normal' person when I get upset and emotional. Why do I turn into a monster? I start hyperventilating and feel the urge to literally run off and scream like a banshee in public. I feel the need to go to the nearest bridge or danger zone and put myself in a situation that has been ruining my life and has got me to this place in the first place.

Then my mother says about I need to learn how to not throw a 'hissy fit' and I then have to explain it's not about behaving in laymens terms.....or keeping my nose clean. It's about emotional regulation. That's one thing I do know. However I've not quite mastered it yet. To an extent i have but I have the occasions when I am so distressed I cannot manage it. And yesterday in the court room with my ex husband was one of those times. I was taken over by 'it'

Totally unreasonable, blubbering mess whos not rational and literally only focusing on one thing.

But today I'm going to try unpick all of this bit by bit.

Peace, calm, love and breathing.


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